Old School Miniatures

Get more gratuitous pictures of gnomes over at the Kickstarter.

The clever chaps over at Old School Miniatures have offered some Alpine Gnomes (and other things) as prizes off the back of there hugely successful Kickstarter campaign.

The Alpine Gnomes

Gnomes are a diminutive, austere, and productive alpine people. They share a similar cultural background, language, and temperament with their dwarf cousins. Though also mountain dwelling, gnome settlements are isolated and distinct from the dwarves, and hidden by illusory magics. Gnomish towns are semi-subterranean more akin to the mining towns of men or forest hamlets.

Gnomes are not skilled metalworkers like the dwarves. Most are humble craftsmen who would rather bake, coop, cobble, mill or farm than face a hoard of gibbering goblins. These productive trades have put the gnomes in significant contact with the men of the lowlands. Because gnomes are less doughty than the dwarves they have taken to the cooperative drill and tactics of these men to face foes greater than themselves. This combination of isolated settlements, humble guilds, and teamwork-driven tactics has led to the gnomes having very close knit communities and a democratic society.

Gnomish military decisions are heatedly debated and eventually agreed upon by a council of senior guild leaders and learned wizards. Gnomish armies, though made up of citizen craftsmen, are known for their discipline and lack of generals.

Byron here is a proud man. He is a gnome general. If you win this prize, you could be just like Byron. You would preside over just this startling 395 point strike force (Unpainted, of course. What, did you want them to play games with them for you to? Snap to it!).

But wait – there’s more!

You like cannons, right? And you like, uh, well, buttocks, yes?

Well, you’re in luck – another lucky so-and-so gets to Old School Miniatures’ reimagining of the original arsecannon* (or, asscannon if you wanted to google that).

*again, unpainted – not this fine one from Rochie Rochfort.

Don’t Go Yet!

There’s more. A third lucky someone-or-other gets to win some Chaos Warriors – including this familiar looking fellow.

But How Do I Win?

A thoroughly excellent question, my competitive forward thinking reader – as fine a question as ever I’ve come across, in fact. Yet many fine questions are left sullied by crude answers, and for this question a similar fate awaits: simply put, we’re not sure yet. It’s probably related to painting.


But, it could be as arbitrary as most-hair-grown-in-one-hour to teaching-an-Ansell-to-twerk.

But probably painting. So focus on that. Also, just being awesome. Do that too.